It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
