I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
how does that bad decision feel?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
