..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
