very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
tell me about the eggs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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