Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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