we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
