I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think your dad took our porno
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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