Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am one with the molecules
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
