Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize