I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
