I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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