Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize