Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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