Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
