ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Are we still banned from the library?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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