Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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