I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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