I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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