Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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