Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Randomize