Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
