so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
