Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
