Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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