This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
