Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
