I think my vagina is haunted
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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