Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
