Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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