Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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