you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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