Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
