i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I checked into jail on foursquare
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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