she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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