You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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