You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize