As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
