when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
