don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
