I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
