I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
