she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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