I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
