You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
