Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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