Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
