this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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