dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
