Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
