i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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