im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
