Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
