I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
vagina is talking i cant
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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