im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Operation Purity has been aborted
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
