im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
