I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
