Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
