That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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