did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
