pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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