My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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