she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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