The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
