porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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