I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
