I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
