false alarm. still invincible.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
