Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize