So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Houston, we have a squirter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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