Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
