i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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