1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
