Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
