I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
