Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize