The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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