Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize