ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
