I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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