how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
