first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
