You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
