Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
