i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
