tell your sister to shave her snatch
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
