I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize