We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
