everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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