Cold hands, warm shart.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
