My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
