I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
