mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize